Holmes, P.I.™

The Real Truth About Suicide

June 13, 2018 By Rob Holmes in Opinion Tags: anxiety, depression, Suicide 2 Comments

Suicide can happen to anyone. Especially on the worst day of a person’s life. Experts, pundits, and all others who want to pretend that it is something that only happens to ‘other people’ say that there is a sickness or syndrome that causes a person to clock out. The truth… the real truth… is that the same person who made this claim is probably one step from the act themselves (now or in the past), but decided to mask it out of shame or superiority. I’m here to tell you that you need not feel shame about contemplating suicide, nor sympathizing for friends or family members who have decided to commit this ultimate act. Of course it is not a choice to aspire to make, or to be happy of the outcome. However, understanding the choice and sympathizing for those who consider or commit this act is most important to our humanity. Continue reading →
Bad Funny vs. Funny: What’s the Difference?

June 4, 2018 By Rob Holmes in Opinion Tags: stand-up comedy, venice beach Leave a comment

In the early nineties I drove from New Jersey to Los Angeles by myself in order to pursue a career in stand-up comedy and screenwriting. I performed my stand-up routine about a hundred times, wrote two screenplays, and produced a well-received short film called “Spytown”. During that time, I also pursued a career in the family business: private investigations. Turns out, I found myself making a lot more money catching bad guys than making people laugh. So now, fast forward more than two decades, I’m the CEO of a successful private investigation firm and still have the bug for being an entertainer. In addition to developing a few writing projects while running my company, I’m also in the Los Angeles comedy scene performing the occasional stand-up spot. Continue reading →

Why Reggie Jackson Matters Now More Than Ever

May 19, 2018 By Rob Holmes in Opinion Tags: major league baseball, reggie jackson 2 Comments

Growing up as a kid in Southern New Jersey in the late-1970’s and early 1980’s, I was exposed to some of the coolest athletes of all time through the local television stations in Philadelphia and New York. I remember being in the grocery line while food shopping with my mother and, as any child, I was looking at the candy section by the cash register when I spotted the greatest candy bar of all time. Chocolate covered caramel and peanuts in an orange wrapper bearing the name and likeness of five-time World Series Champ and two-time World Series MVP Reggie Jackson. Still to this day, the Reggie Bar is the best candy bar I’ve ever had. Not just because those ingredients are the perfect combination of snackdom, but because Reggie Jackson was the first, and (in my opinion) only, personality in that era that transcended sports. One Sunday afternoon a pre-adolescent me was watching the kid’s television show The Baseball Bunch featuring the San Diego chicken. Continue reading →
Farewell, My Friend

April 18, 2018 By Rob Holmes in Opinion Tags: alzheimers, baseball, Beverly Hills, dementia, dodgers, freemasonry, Ionic Composite Lodge, masonry, Panama City, Suicide, The Cheesecake Factory, walker texas ranger Leave a comment

In 2004, I was thirty-three years old and just lost my father to suicide. That next year, I went through a period where I was trying to find myself and, in doing so, made a pilgrimage to visit my grandparents and other family who moved to Florida in recent years. I reconnected with my mom’s mom and stepfather (whom I know as “Grandmom and Grandpop Peterson”), my uncle Dave Smith and his family there in Panama City, in the Florida panhandle. As my Uncle Dave put it, “This is L.A. Lower Alabama.” This trip was exactly what I needed and I was able to recharge my batteries and become centered again. I learned a lot about myself during that time. Not only did I refresh my interest in being a better man, but I also came home wanting to become a Freemason like Grandpop and Uncle Dave. During the trip, I learned that Dave was Master of his Lodge and Grandpop said becoming a Mason was the best thing he ever did. That pretty much sealed it for me. I’m going to be a Mason. Continue reading →

Warner Bros Cast Jim Carrey as Mark Zuckerberg and Didn’t Even Know It

April 13, 2018 By Rob Holmes in Opinion Tags: Amazon, Batman, Batman and Robin, Batman Forever, congress, Eric Schmidt, facebook, google, Gotham, In Living Color, Jack Nicholson, Jeff Bezos, Jim Carrey, Johnny Carson, Los Angeles, Mark Zuckerberg, Michael Keaton, microsoft, privacy, social media, The Riddler, Tim Burton

With all of the news stories being published in recent days about social media data and privacy, I cannot help but be reminded of a not-so-great, yet brilliantly prophetic, film of the 1990’s. Let me first set the table. I was twenty-four years old and had just moved to Los Angeles to become a stand-up comedian. Months earlier, when I was a busboy at a Jersey Shore bar, I was constantly barraged by drunks shouting “Fire Marshall Bill!” This was due to my uncanny resemblance to Jim Carrey, referencing his recurring character in the critically-acclaimed sketch comedy show of the time “In Living Color“. My resemblance to him was not the only connection. Ever since I saw Carrey impersonate the entire cast of “My Three Sons” on Johnny Carson in 1983, I was hooked. I wanted to be him. Continue reading →
Running Out of Gas

March 12, 2018 By Rob Holmes in Opinion Tags: AAA, big oil, Curb Your Enthusiasm, HBO, Jeep Grand Cherokee, Larry David, Seinfeld, Toyota Prius, Who Killed the Electric Car 1 Comment

I run out of gas often. Not figuratively, as you might expect from a post like this. Literally. No kidding. There is almost no thrill greater to me than seeing the fuel gauge blink for days. I believe, in life, that risk is the reward. Yes, risk is the reward, and I will stand by that. For many years I drove an SUV and had only a few days mileage on a twenty gallon tank. What a thrill! I’d run out of gas at least once a year and I’d love it. Thanks to AAA, rescue was only thirty minutes away. In 2007, I decided that my impact on the environment was bugging me. I had just seen the documentary “Who Killed the Electric Car” and decided to stick it to big oil. Continue reading →

The Problem With Hyde

January 25, 2018 By Rob Holmes in Opinion Tags: Colin Bateman, criminology, Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, James Nesbitt, Jekyll/Hyde, Robert Louis Stevenson, undercover identity

One of the greatest reads in my entire life was Robert Louis Stevenson’s 19th century novella “Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde“. In this, Stevenson tells the story of an attorney who is investigating the evil acts of a man who calls himself Edward Hyde. The investigation leads him to find that Hyde is actually an alternate personality of his old friend, Dr. Henry Jekyll. Since the publishing of this story, the Jekyll/Hyde concept is one of the most celebrated and imitated in all of literature. This is because it is, in my opinion, the most relevant piece of fiction in all of sociology, psychology and criminology. Ever. Without exception. Continue reading →
Living by Accident: The Philosophy

December 17, 2017 By Rob Holmes in Opinion Tags: A Brief History of Time, Albert Einstein, Big Bang, calvinism, christianity, Jesus, John Calvin, Michio Kaku, New Testament, Old Testament, quantum mechanics, Red Letter Christians, Stephen Hawking, Suicide

Have you ever wondered where your next meal was coming from? Or where you’ll be sleeping next month? If you haven’t, you may not be a member of the contingent who can understand this blog. If you can’t relate, please do us both a favor and tune out now. If you are still here, and can think as deeply as required, let me fill you in on why I believe what I do.

I was born in South Jersey in 1970 and my mother committed suicide right after my eleventh birthday. I spent more than two decades trying to make sense of it until my father does the same. I guess to follow her down. I don’t know. But all I know is that, back in 2004, I was a man in his early thirties with major issues. Again, no pity. Just journey. Continue reading →